Today is Christmas Day. Not a lot of Merry in the room at the moment. I need to shower, put clothes in the dryer, and… coffee… coffee is in there somewhere, I know it is.
Got the clothes in the dryer and coffee has been had, I even ate some Brussels Sprout Parmesan with sour cream. I love Brussels sprouts; I can eat them every day and not get tired of them. I used to eat them a lot when I was younger, but over the years I have lost the things I have loved; things like Brussels sprouts, things like reading and writing. Spending time with God every day and reading my Bible.
I got married, and over time my life conformed to living in his world. Liking what he liked and doing things he wanted to do. We bought ice cream, the kind he wanted, and watched the shows he liked. Went to bed when he wanted to go. Life was an on eggshells kind of life and God forbid if I didn’t pay attention. Fourteen years of walking out, a life of tiptoeing around his kingdom. I’m so glad I don’t have to do that anymore.
So now I get to learn about who I am and figure out the things I like in life. Remind myself that I love things like Brussels sprouts and I get to go to bed when I want. I’m still working on finding the flavor of ice cream I like; vanilla, chocolate, pistachio… wondering if I even like ice cream at all. I can’t remember ever eating it before I got married. However, when I buy it I find I eat it way too much.
This past weekend, I was blessed to receive a six-foot leather duo recliner sofa, armchair and ottoman, end table, bedside table, a full-size four-poster bed, Beauty rest mattress, and box springs. I had prayed last week, on Thursday, about getting furniture. By Friday morning, it was being delivered. God is so good to me.
My living room has been my bead studio for the past few years. I don’t entertain in my home, so I haven’t been very concerned with where anyone might set if they should come to visit. Then this past month I have been thinking more about my calling, my true calling, which is not beading or trying to make it into a business. I’m called to be a writer, a public speaker. Motivational speaker… like Tony Robbins move on over kind of speaker.
A few weeks after moving to Houston, I asked God “Where do I go from here? What next?” Deep in my spirit, I heard him reply, “Take no thought I will tend to you.”
That was in 2011, and here it is the end of 2018… He has always kept His promise to me. I, of course, have not been very successful at the “take no thought” part of His instructions.
In the process of thinking about this over the last few weeks, I have realized what I have known for some time now, that keeping the beads and beading studio cluttering up the place I am actually “taking thought.” Thinking that I could make something that someone would buy and possibly make a living at it, pay my bills and build an empire kind of thing.
Not only has that not worked out for me, but it has hindered my success in developing my true call. How can I call myself a “writer” if I have not written anything of value? What am I called to write? Should I write novels? Or blog? I know that whatever I write, I want it to be inspirational. When others read my writing, I want them to be uplifted, encouraged, and inspired. To see a way to make it through whatever they’re going through. Whether it concerns health issues, financial problems, and relationship or self-image problems. To see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is not the light of an oncoming train.
So I’m getting rid of all my beads. Turning my place into a regular home with furniture that is inviting. I’m still not going to be entertaining much, but I’m also sure that it will be more inviting for people. Who knows? Entertaining? Well, Domino’s delivers.
Today, I will spend alone my Christmas day with M.A.S.H. 4077, my pup and kitty by my side, and a maybe nice long hot bath. Which is where I think I’m headed now.
Oh, and plotting out where I want to place my new furniture.
I so NEEDED this song today. Fighting discouragement over something that looks like an impossible (not in my lifetime) situation has had me holding my breath for weeks.
Listening to this song (about six times in a row now), I turned my lights off and silenced everything around me as I sang this over and over to God. Grinding its message deeper and deeper into my heart and spirit.
I know His faithfulness. I have seen it over and over in my life these past few years. I’ve seen Him move mountains.
Therefore – I KNOW HE WILL DO IT AGAIN!
Tonight I realized – it is not at all about my healing – I don’t care about that. What I care for and desire goes so much deeper than this physical body could ever take me. I just want to be in HIS presence. Deep in worship, pouring my heart out to Him; never giving up on Him. He has never given up on me.
You may think I’m crazy, but I’m going to say this in all honesty – I don’t care if I ever get healed, or if I end up spending the rest of this life in a wheelchair. As long as I can sit in His presence and pour out my heart in worship to Him – that is all I care about.
I can’t thank you enough, Cheryl, for sharing this video on your Facebook page. Love you, my friend. <3 <3
This morning before I got out of bed, I reached for my Bible; I read the whole book of 1st John.
Yep, that’s right – five whole chapters and I did it without coffee.
What a great book.
I especially liked the part where it says, “For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart and knows all things.” 1 John 3:20
My heart has condemned me for so many things and has kept me in bondage over things I can never change. I wish I had done things differently, but I didn’t, and nothing I can do will ever change the past or my actions.
God was so good to share this verse with me; in particular on this morning.
As my day started, I had to prepare to go have [yet another] MRI of my brain done with/without contrast. Meaning I would be trapped inside a machine for the better part of an hour to an hour and a half. Nothing to read, nothing to watch, nothing to listen to [other than the loud banging of the machine].
An hour of laying absolutely still and… me and my thoughts. Not a good combo.
I am grateful to God for preparing me for what could have been an incredibly deflating moment for me. Lying there the thoughts and images peeked out to begin their assault, I could feel my heart grip, but immediately I heard, “God is Greater!” then all was quiet. Two or three times thoughts or images tried to slip by, but God’s words came to my rescue. God is greater. I began to slip into a sense of peace so much so that the attendant thought I was sleeping. Ha!
I love God. He is my hero. My knight in shining armor. He always comes to my rescue, (especially when I let Him). 🙂
Now I know that God is greater than the pain of what has been in my heart concerning those things I did and can never change; therefore, I have a defense against the accuser now when he tries to hold me hostage over past regrets.
GOD IS GREATER!
Thanks be to God, my Father, who is greater!